Love few but share with many

I bought a bike and decided to cycle to Annacotty a town/ village near limerick. I've always seen it on the bus going by and it looks like a nice place the Shannon goes through it and I wanted to see what it was like. I never quite got there because I've only seen a turn off for it on the motorway. I went around and went on my first roundabout on a bike, the first one I decided to go the wrong way because there was a car parked the other side and it weirded me out a little, plus there wasn't anyone else around so I avoided it. The second was a proper one where I had to slow down and then leg it by.

I'm getting tired now so in short, get to the same place twice, don't know how, forgot I had gears at first and nearly killed myself from exhaustion.  Went into town and had scumbags shouting at me, met them twice(I think they followed me). Got so tired I could hardly get up on the bike anymore. The battery on my light is low already.

I wanna go again!
I wanna go again!
I wanna go again!

Oh crap, this is not good. Two guys came to fix the curtains today they are here now. I did not know they were coming and my room is a filthy mess, and I mean it is really bad, its probably the worse its ever been. I don't like them being in their. There's something sticky on the floor. I pulled out the bed side thing to cover it abit, but that didn't really work. CRAP, plus there's two strange men here now, I'm on my own.

There is something about being outdoors, I don't know what it is. By outdoors I mean around nature, the smell of green or the sea, there is nothing else as perfect as it. I think I've been in the city too long, all you can smell here is car fumes. At night the smell of fresh green comes into town, it doesn't reach the city centre but I don't live their. I want to be out in it instead of here, I think i want to go back to the beach and mainly walk around at night, there's something about it that just makes me feel good. It might be just the excess amount of alcohol I drank, not too sure, but I did spend five minutes outside just smelling the pure green air, it was smelt good.

I dont knoe why but I feel awful. I went into town and bought 10 books got food, it was raining but it wasn't lashing just more constant than heavy. I decided to do to things 1 get a good plastic bag the paper one was falling apart 2 get the bus home. An old woman sat beside me o the bus, she had 3 bags with her one tore and everything fell out so I gave her my good plastic one, I still had the paper one. THe bus took ages to get going so I started to read one of the books. About five minutes after the bus pulled off, I started to fell abit sick, normally happeneds on buses but not that soon, I stayrd reading until I was near the stop. At this point I really neaded air and I was wonderind how long the paper bag would last. I got home and took off my wet clothes and put on my pjs wrapped myself up and decided not to go  to the gym pain in my belly and my runners were wet. I felt a little hot so I opened the window a little. I read the book some more. I still felt sick, I made myself some white tea, no help. I started to feel cold so I turned on the heating for a short while. I thought maybe I'll eat something, I made toast, cut up some cheese and started eating, as I took the bite onn the scond slice something touched my lip with the bit in my mouth I looked, it was a hair, not just a normal hair, it was very thick and deffinly not one of mine, it was stuck into the slice of bread I spat out the bit in my mouth and felt like getting sick.
At this point I really don't know why I'm sick, is it that I'm auctully sick or am I just sickened? I thought good things would happen
after I gave her the bag, Karma and stuff!

I know that I should go back to athy, but I would need a place of my own. I would more than likely need a car, deisel one that I would alter to take vegetable oil (I'm am not spending shit loads to drive around, and its carbon nutral) I want to take photos, and get better lenses.

This all requires money, when I go home I'm not going to have much and I probably wont have a job either. I've got it all sorted out but just not the most important part of it. Should I get a 'proper' job or just any job? If I get a proper job what kind? Da rang me yesterday for two things; 1 - complain that when I said I was going home and then spent the two or three days in a friends house, 2 - to tell me that he wants to 'have a talk' with me, I'm fairly sure its about what I'm going to do now. I don't know what I'm going to do, I'm not even sure when I'm going to get out of limerick.

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said,
"I built a big house for mother"

The second said,
"I sent her a BMW with a driver"

The third smiled and said,
"I've got you both beat. Remember how mum enjoyed reading the bible? And you know she can't see very well. i sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. he's one of a kind. mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it"

Soon thereafter, mum sent a letter to each son.

"Milton,"she wrote to one son,
The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the hole house.

"Gerald," she wrote to another,
I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the BMW and the driver is so rude!

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son,

The thing that I was so paranoid about happening when I was a child had finally occurred. When I was small I even made people put there hands into my shoes before I would put them on. I was just putting on my runners and a huge fucking spider jumps out of it! Normal sized spiders I can handle but not this one. It then tried to excape into my gym bag, hell no. It's now under a cup, I'm not too sure what to do with it, now. Little fucking bastard, it's gonna make me paranoid now.

I'm tired, really tired. I think I'm getting photos published in the limerick leader. Hopefully I spent about 2 hours talking to the guy in charge of photography :) I'm taking more pics tomorrow morning and giving him the rest of  the ones I have. I I need to get names.

I'm not going to explain anything right now, I don't know what I'll be doing in September. I just want to talk to someone before I make a final dission.

Other stuff is my brother (Evin, for those that know him) is now in Australia and my other brother is buying a house. I won't get to see Evin until next summer, he won't be home for Christmas. I'm going to send him pictures in e-mails and when he settles in a city(he's travelling for a bit and then getting a job somewhere) I'll send him stuff by post, birthday/christmas presents, tea bags and maybe packets of tatoes if I can afford to send that much.

Bob is also going in for his bone marrow transplant next week. Hopefully that will work

I went off and did something else on the internet and don't remember what I was going to say next, so I'm sleepy, goodnight.
The reason I'm so sleepy is because I couldn't sleep last night, it was ment to be an early night I got to sleep at 3am and had to be up early and I woke up half an hour too early at 5.30am was on a bus where I felt like getting sick and couldn't sleep. I was also taking loads of rennie it was the only thing I could get my hands on, I  had to keep telling myself they would work. Then I had to go into work at 5.30pm till 9pm. I did get a bit of broken sleep between 1pm and 3pm.

They were returning a kettle and had no receipt so I asked when they got it. The guy couldn't remember so I asked him when did he buy it (so I could look it up on the computer). He turned to his friend and asked him when, the guy turned around and said 'when did we get it?' repeatedly in an English accent, he was also saying it kind of loudly but not in an annoyed voice just kind of confused/supprised. Of course me being me I start laughing and then I realised that I knew him from somewhere and I couldn't figure out where. I was trying to think of when I met a large english man in limerick before, never. He's a comedin and I started laughing again, then with me being Irish I didn't want to draw too much attention the fact that he is known and too the fact that I didn't know his name. I didn't want him to think that I was laughing because he's a comedian, i was laughing because I didn't really know who he was. Being to pre-occoupied with laughing/trying not to laugh, I kept on making stupid mistakes on the till and started laughing at those
I just started so I was in a good mood.
I didn't figure out his name until one of the guy's told me it was Peter Kay. I think he does standup and tv shows, just don't ask me what because I have no idea what he was in.


It's very late

So good news I didn't completely fail college, other news is I don't know what I'll be doing come september. I'm not that bothered about that. If I don't get in at the end of the summer I'll go back to Athy go on the dole and spend my time taking pictures to build up a photography portfolio. Eventually I will have to get a job and stuff, but for a while I'm just going to spend all my time taking photographs. If I get in next year I don't know what I'll do except move to somewhere closer to college and write my thesis about something that I can't remember anymore. I'm quite sleepy now, damn alcohol making my tired. I'm going to go home.

I was going to the gym so I had my horrible sweaty gym clothes on and I was trying to send Claire a message, to make it even worse it was a picture message. I didn't have my hair looking right, it was awful looking but I was only going to the gym, I also didn't have a hat on. I needed money so I went into the atm room in a shopping centre, it was about 7 so most of the shopping centre was closed. I thought no one would see me but the room was packed. All those things got me a bit anchous and I freaked out a little. To make it worse I spotted someone I knew that hadn't seen my hair yet. It was too much for my head to deal with and the fact that he has longer hair than me didn't help. I did the only thing my head would let me. I held onto my head, covering most of my hair ang cocintrated fully on sending the text, which I completely messed up because I cound feel eyes on me and it was horrible. I would have liked to talked to him but I just freaked out.

Do not mix erdinger and kopenberg cider, THEY DO NOT MIX WELL TOGETHER. I can't stop hicuping and when I do I feel like I'm going to get sick. The worse thing is I'm far to sober for this crap I just want to get to sleep

Haven't posted in a few days.

I had my assessment on Monday. It's went horribly wrong, they normally do but this time was worse. First of all I was confused at where I was doing it and then I confused the guys that were assessing me. I got all my stuff together and went into the room and spent the next five minutes struggling with a bag and a folder (I was also falling over doing this). I showed my stuff and read the statement, they did not match up, it made no sence. The one thing is they were laughing alot. I had a portfolio that they looked through, I was going to put more into it but they didn't look good. I had about 6 or 7 extra pages, I left them in it and just wrote on a blank bit of 'blank page' and throw them into it. That apparitly got a good laugh. I also showed me cutting my hair (mainly because I spent most of the weekend doing that), they laughed at bits of that. It's ment to be 20minutes long. They seemed alittle speechless they didn't know what to make of me. The two videos I showed together would have made it 20minutes, add in the 5minutes of bag/folder time and about 10/15minutes trying to explain everything. I think I took up too much time. To make it worse Kate had to wait about 10minutes while they decided what mark to give me. I did real bad this time.

My calinder is still on monday so I'm a little confused right now. I don't really know what day it is. I'm wondering if I can wear a hat in the gym too. With a work out it'll go everywhere.

The external assessment is on Thursday too, I mightn't get picked but I've a feeling I will be. I don't know if I want to go through that again.

I also put pictures of my hair and a video of me cutting it and all they seem to be attracting are weird people that have an obsession with hair of hair cuts.

I went to the gym to calm down but it didn't work.

I feel stupid I was late for work last night and I rushed to get ready. I throw everything on the bed and got changed, picked up everything I needed, money, phone remembered to get my badge from the other shirt and put it on the one I was wearing. I then legged it to work, when I got there it turns out I was ten minutes early, so I got a bar from the machine(I hadn't gotten anything to eat). I was putting my jacket into my locker and I couldn't find the key to it, that key is also attached to all my other keys, including the one for my completely empty appartment. Damn it. I had the guys in the appartment under me trying to break in. No luck. I even looked for a locksmith, they don't work at night. I decided to get a bottle of wine and a pizza. I ate some of the pizza and drank most of the wine, I felt a little better. I also rang Aja and I slept with her that night, thank god she had a double bed. I still haven't gotten in yet so I'm going to see does anyone have a spare key.

I've also been wondering around in my work close. I don't like this uniform.

This can't be good, I can hear and feel my pulse in my right ear. It keeps on freaking me out, then my heart starts racing and it gets worse. It's probably be gone by the morning but it's just very strange. I don't know how I'm going to get to sleep with all this noise. anyway goodnight.

I'm sleepy and working at ... 10 I yhink, or 10.30

I don't know why buy I've been hitting the y button instead of t. I need to consintrate when typeing.

I want to see bob too. He rang me twice today and told me he wanted to see me. He also wants his back rubbed and he knows I'll do that for him.

Today went well, except I feel like getting sick, stupid period. I was talking to bob on the phone who got sick and now I can here someone else getting sick, it's not good. Why is everyone sick? Must get sleep hopefully I'll feel better in the morning

I've seemed to have spent my all my wages on the same day I got paid. I really don't know how I did that, I had money saved up and everything, it's all gone now! Stupid rent and gym and HMV. I just can't seem to go in there without buying something.I got seven DVDs, I didn't even know what 4 were about except they seemed good.

I'm going to be spending my monday morning maning an exhibition, it gets kinda worse. There does be two people at these things and the only other person that would do it then it the head of the department who is one of the people that I've been trying to avoid. I really shouldn't but when you've done absalutly nothing in the past so many months you tend to start avoiding people until you have some work done.

No other news really

I did have a thought earlier that I could really do with a boyfriend now, I've been single for too long but I don't have any time or energy for one. I don't know if I would even start liking someone new, I really don't think I've time for that either. Everything is just too strange now.